Yours, Mine, Ours
by AJeff
Summary: Meredith leaves town. Derek's with Addison. Caught between two loves. Who'll lose in the end? SORRY, SUMMARY CHANGED
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Although I'm an Addison fan, (sorry, guys) this is dedicated to Meredith/Derek fans.**

Meredith looked around her new unfamiliar place. This would be home for her. A new start, a new life, a place where she would be free of him. She thought about that one night, that one special night they had been together which she hadn't known it then, but their last night together. Memories of him filled her head. It was hers to keep and no one could ever take that away from her.

Meredith sat quietly deep in thought in front of her fireplace which was the only light that illuminated her darkened living room. She let out a loud sigh as she closed her eyes tightly and reminisced of the recent events in her life. She missed her friends, Izzie, George and Christina. But, she had no choice but to leave Seattle. Now she was all alone, in a new place to start a new beginning for herself and her unborn child.

How could she let it happen? How could she, in this day and age of birth control gotten herself in this predicament? Milk was now added to her weekly grocery list.

"Me, Meredith Grey, single, alone and with child," she said out loud as if talking to someone other than to herself.

She knew the signs, the irritability, mood swings and the nauseousness in the mornings. Lightly running her fingers across her stomach, she felt a warm sensation through her body and the soft patter in her heart for the sudden love she could feel for her unborn child.

Meredith had made the decision to leave the state and kept her little secret all to herself. How could she have told Derek that she was pregnant with his child. He chose Addison over her, how could she possibly tell him. She had this scenario in her head of his reaction. When they were together, they've never talked about having children, nothing was ever said about a future. Their future together. Of course not, he hadn't thought about it, only because there was one obstacle that stood in the way. His wife.

**TBC - Chapter 2**


	2. Chapter 2

Although Derek loved Addison, he was not in love with her. A month had gone by since Meredith left. It got harder for him to go through those long days and nights without her. Although he felt a warm body in bed next to him, he knew he was betraying his wife with thoughts of Meredith.

He hadn't meant to hurt her. He truly loved her and wanted them to be happy. There weren't any words in the english language that could justify for his actions of wanting to be with that special someone, but then, choosing another. Stupidity comes to his mind. Love brings a lot of pain.

Addison tried her hardest to be the perfect wife as she once was. Afterall, they were the perfect couple. But, she was fooling herself for she knew deep down his heart belonged to Meredith.

The mother-to-be curled up in bed waiting for her alarm clock to ring. Sleepness nights caused her to lay awake for the last week. Besides yearning for her lost love, she missed her friends profusely and thought they did not deserve the treatment she had given them upon her sudden departure.

Christina moaned loudly as the ringing of the telephone interrupted her sleep.

"Somebody had better be dead," she mumbled to Burke as he reached over to answer it.

He hit her softly on the butt. "What?" She yawned and stretched. Seeing the concerned look on her boyfriend's face, Christina sat up in bed.

"Are you alright?" She heard him ask.

"Who is it?" Christina whispered.

Without saying a word, he handed her the telephone.

"Hello?" She said with a question and wondered who could be calling so early in the morning.

"Christina? It's me, it's Meredith."

"What the...Meredith! It's been weeks, a month since we've heard from you. Where the hell are you? Is everything alright? Where the hell are you?" Christina repeated anxiously. "Have you called Izzie? George?"

"No," she answered softly. "You're the first, maybe later. I need to tell you what's happening, but promise me you won't say a word. Not even to Burke."

She looked at Burke and shrugged her shoulders. "I promise."

"Not on the phone. Maybe you could come here for a visit?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I have some vacation days coming. In a week?"

"That's great, Christina."

"So, give me a hint. What's up? Are you dying or something?"

"I'll tell you later."

"So help me, Burke, if you tell Derek where she is, I'll kill you. Besides, he's a bastard to have treated her that way. How the hell can he love two people at the same time, huh? If you ask me, she's better off without him and Addison should open her eyes and get rid of him!" Christina rambled on as Burke drove her quietly to the airport.

He stopped the car, turned to her and smiled. "You're rambling."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," he answered calmly.

"Sorry, but, Derek is, well, you know how I feel about him. He's not loyal, not faithful, not trustworthy."

Burke laughed. "You make him sound like he should be a dog."

"Yeah, a dog in heat," she answered sarcastically.

Meredith opened the front door to find Christina with her hands full, luggage in one hand, a purse in the other and a backpack. She cried, hugged her tightly then pulled her quickly into the living room.

Christina dropped her bags in the middle of the room and roamed around the new living arrangements of Meredith's as she left to check on the casserole she had in the oven.

"Make yourself at home," she yelled out from the kitchen.

Christina flopped herself on the sofa and leafed through the stack of magazines on her coffee table.

"People, nope, Times, nope," she says to herself making another pile, "Newsweek, nope, Fit Pregnancy, nope...what?" Also at the other end of the table was a bottle of prenatal pills.

Meredith entered back into the living room as she immediately chattered away.

"Catch," Christina called out and threw the bottle of vitamins towards Meredith. She stood at a standstill.

"Good catch," she tells her friend.

TBC - Chapter 3


	3. Chapter 3

Christina leaned her weight on one leg, crossed her arms in front of her and waited for Meredith to recover from the shock of her friend having found her pills before she got a chance to tell her.

"Okay, Mer," Christina began. "It didn't take a rocket scientist to know you were with child...pregnant...knocked up."

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Well, I mean, I knew. Sort of...kinda of. George and Izzie just assumed you needed to get away from Derek, being that he chose Addison over you. You know, that you needed a new start in life. Gosh, Mer, what a start! A baby! You are going to tell him, aren't you? It's only right. He is the father."

"How exactly would I go about in telling him, Christina?" She raised her voice a pitch higher than her usual tone.

"Hell, I don't know. How about picking up the telephone and just tell him. Hi, daddy!" Christina smirked and rolled her eyes.

"You really don't like him, do you?"

"Truthfully? I know he's my boss, but, he is definitely a jackass!"

"Oh," was all Meredith could say.

"You are keeping your baby?" Christina asked softly and gently touched Meredith's belly. She had a far away look as she reminisced back to her pregnancy. At times, she wondered about her own child."

Meredith squeezed Christina's hand as if she could read her mind. "You would have made a wonderful mother, Christina."

The ringing of her cell phone was a welcomed interruption for her. The lost of her baby was such a traumatic experience that she was uncomfortable on the subject. She flipped open her cell.

"Hey, I'm here. Yes, she's fine." There was a pause. "Look, I'll talk to you later. Okay, bye." She turned to Meredith who had just gulped down a whole glass of water to wash down her pill.

"How is Burke?" She asked as she set down her glass on the dining room table.

"Fine. He has a message for you."

"What?"

"It's a reminder for you to drink your milk everyday," Christina says nonchalantly.

"He knows? He knows? How?"

Her best friend shrugged her shoulders. "One day we went through this process of elimination of why you left. Being pregnant outweighed the others."

Back at Seattle Grace, Derek stood and looked out of the window of his office. Their was sadness in his eyes as if for a lost of a love one. The flame in his heart which flickered for Meredith had died out the day she left town. He knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life when he decided on Addison. But, yet, he questioned himself. Could he possibly love two women at the same time?

He leaned his head on the windowpane, closed those dreamy eyes of his as he tried to stop the tears from slipping out. Men don't cry. But, suddenly, he broke down and cried. He missed her terribly and thought back of the last night they were together. He felt his life falling apart.

Derek wanted Meredith back into his life. But, Addison had been a part of him for the last eleven years. When you are in love, you never stop thinking of that certain someone you love. Lately, that someone was Meredith.

**TBC - Chapter 4**


	4. Chapter 4

Once you love someone, a part of them always stays in your heart even when they are gone. Meredith wanted to tell off the world. She wanted to tell off Derek and whom ever crossed her way. It would have been so easy to just hate him and walk away with no regrets. She hated the fact that he would not be with her when the time for their little one was to enter the world.

Christina promised Meredith that she'd be there for her when the big day arrived. Afterall, she did agree to be the baby's godmother. One week flew by quickly and she found herself back at Seattle Grace. As she exited out of a patient's room, Christina stopped as she heard a so familiar voice call out to her.

"Dr. Yang." It was McDreamy. Christina looked at her boss and had done a double take on him. She could not for the life of her see what the hell did those two women, Addison and Meredith, see in him.

"Dr. Shepherd," she replied in her monotone voice and looked at him with her I don't give a damn about you, make it snappy kind of look.

"Welcome back. Did you enjoy your vacation? Burke had mentioned you were out of town." He tried to make polite conversation.

"Yup," was her only reply. Christina uses sarcasm to hide her true feelings. She builds a wall around her as so not to let certain people in. Only she alone could knock it down. And her wall finally tumbled down.

He shuffled his feet and waited for her to somewhat continue on the conversation, but she didn't.

"Well, I'd better leave, I'm late for my rounds, Dr. Yang."

Christina could not hold in what she felt for him that she finally exploded.

"You do that," she blurted out scarcastically.

"Excuse me?" Dr. Shepherd turned back slowly as he heard her tone of voice. "Have I offended you in any way, Dr. Yang?"

"Look, just for this moment, I am not, I repeat, I am not Dr. Yang. I'm Christina," she raised her voice, then continued. "And you're just Derek, okay?"

He was her attending doctor. Her boss. No one ever spoke to him in that manner, until Christina came along. Other interns have looked up to him, respected him. So he thought. If only he knew what was said behind his back.

"You hurt her, you broke her heart! What gives you the right to have treated her the way you did? All the while you were screwing her, you had a wife! Were you ever going to tell her? Oh, excuse me, I guess not! She had to find out from Addison, face to face! You're the reason she left!"

Quickly he grabbed Christina's arm. "You've seen her? Where is she?" He asked almost tearfully.

She jerked her arm away from him. "Like hell I'd tell you! Go home to your wife, Derek." Her voice calmed down. "That is, if she hasn't wised up as of yet and left you."

The petite dark-haired doctor stepped away from him.

"Christina, tell me where she is," his voice trembled.

"It's Dr. Yang. Good day, Dr. Shepherd." Christina hurried down the corridor, exhaled a sigh of relief, proud of herself for her outburst which she felt he definitely deserved.

After a long day at the hospital, Addison stepped out of the shower, wiped herself dry, slipped into her emerald green silk robe and toweled dried her hair. As the mist had begun to clear from the mirror, Derek startled her as he stood leaned against the wall as he watched her. His eyes twinkled and approached his wife.

"Let me do that for you," he spoke softly as he took the towel out of her hands and gently finished what she had begun to do. He ran his hands through her red hair.

"That's what attracted me when I first saw you, your beautiful luscious hair, flowing down onto your milky soft shoulders. The first word which came to my mind of you was "elegance."

He traced his fingers on her neck and down onto her shoulders. His hands fumbled with the knot to her sash. After a couple of minutes of struggle, he got a full view of what was hidden underneath. He stood mesmerize by her beauty. Derek pulled off his tee-shirt, unbuckled his belt, zipped down his jeans, pushed it unto the floor and stepped out of them, all the while his eyes locked with hers, not once did he glance away.

Derek led her into their bedroom, slipped her robe off and lifted Addison onto the bed. Until now, in the years they've been together, he had never experienced a night of tenderness and fiery passion all rolled up in one.

As he got off of her, he whispered, "I love you, Addison,"

It was six o'clock in the morning when he had awaken. Addison had her arm on his chest, her leg between his. Derek gently squeezed her softly, laid a kiss on the top of her head and quietly got out of bed. He stood under the water sprays in the shower to awaken and loosen his body from the vigorous workout they had the previous night.

Suddenly, as if someone had jolted electricity through his brain, thoughts of Meredith entered his mind. He cussed to himself. How the hell could he be in love with two women.

**TBC - Chapter 5**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry this chapter's short. **

They were cordial to each other the very next day. Dr. Yang and Dr. Shepherd. Derek, that is. Christina was right he told himself. Every damned word she had said to him was one hundred percent accurate. There he was practically begging her of Meredith's whereabouts, what the hell does he do? He bloody goes home and makes love to his wife.

Derek was on his way out when Christina stopped him for a consultation. As they both were engrossed in the patient's chart, Addison stood on the side. She smiled and thought about the previous night. What's a few minutes of waiting, when she would have a lifetime with him. She has never been happier.

Back at the trailer, he sat outside as Addison prepared dinner. He gulped down his beer as he looked up at the darken sky. It saddened him to have thoughts of Meredith. He reminisced to the last time they were together.

Flasback

It was a wonderful time for love. It was a beautiful and warm sensuous day. The color of the sky was crystalline blue. He surprised Meredith with a picnic. The joys of nature brought out their natural instinct, animalistic behavior. They undressed as much as they dared. It was a balmy day, clouds floated throughout the summer sky as they felt a gentle breeze passed through them. The sounds of leaves rustled as the trees heard them as they made love. She murmured for more as she made him groan with desire. It excited them dangerously for fear that they could have been caught in broad daylight at that precise moment.

End Of Flasback

"Derek? Where are you?" He heard the sound of his wife's voice as she spoke out tenderly.

"What?" He asked as he returned back to reality.

"Where were you? I called out twice. It seemed you were in deep thought. Are you alright?" Addison asked as she flopped herself down onto his lap.

"Just a little tired," he lied to her.

"Dinner's ready." She got off of him and pulled him up from out of his chair.

He nodded. She stared at him intensely into those eyes of his. Addison was no fool, she knew her husband well. He was not happy. He hadn't been since the day Meredith left Seattle.

Meredith wished she could stop the feelings she had for him. She felt as if she'd go crazy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. She definitely agreed to that. She thought of Derek every minute of the day. She wanted to be with him, to be near him, she wanted him.

Derek felt as if he'd lose his mind. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to be with her forever. But, all he had for the time being was memories of Meredith and it was only his to keep. He loved her. He only hoped she too felt the same way.

They were two lost souls who wanted and needed to be together.

**TBC - Chapter 6**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: To my anonymous reviewer nancy/indy: Thank you for keeping up with my fics and for your great reviews.**

Several months had passed since and Meredith as of yet had not contacted Derek. Being absent from his life for such a long period had given her the time to clear her head. She was thankful for Christina and Burke being at her side for those long agonizing hours of hard labor.

Meredith was blessed with a bouncing baby boy, Jesse, which meant God's gift, who weighed in at nine pounds with drop dead gorgeous eyes as his father's. She thought it was time for Derek to meet his son. Christina had agreed to help out with the arrangements and bring them back to Seattle.

Addison was not a fool. And the time had come for them to have a serious discussion regarding her future with her husband. Derek had avoided her each time she approached him on having a heart-to-heart talk.

She waited for him as he drove up. He looked tired but, she couldn't wait any longer. Addison opened the car door for him.

"Derek, we really do need to talk. This can't wait any longer."

"I just got home." He shook his head as he entered the trailer. Suddenly, he turned. "What the hell is this?"

"Well, Derek, as you can see, it's called luggage. You know, that thing you pack your clothes in, toiletries and what nots, when it's time to leave." She answered sarcastically. He stared at her speechless.

"Let me tell you what I see in your heart. I see a man who does not know what he wants. I see a man who's not living, but, merely just existing. I can't go on like this anymore. So, Derek, I'm leaving you."

"Addison, I do love you. Don't you have the slightest feelings for me? How can you just walk out? Have you forgotten the passion when we're together?"

"Yes, Derek, we are great in bed. But, after a night of lovemaking, there isn't anything else we have in common in this marriage."

"You're asking me for a divorce?"

She nodded and ran her hands through her long red hair.

"Why? We can work things out, Addi."

"You haven't called me that in such a long time. Addison seemed so formal."

"I'm asking again, why?" He demanded.

"Why? Simply, Derek, I don't love you. And I don't want to be just a sure thing for you, someone you come home to, just because you're not with her. I'm just someone you make love to, a warm body to keep you warm. Let me ask you this? Is it her you think of while making love to me? There was a time I thought I could never live without you. But, not anymore.

"Addison, I love you,"

"Stop it, Derek, just stop the crap. Don't say it unless it's forever! I can't say it. Because I don't. I don't love you. Just go. Just go to the one who loves you. Because, it's not me."

"Fine!" He hollered. "Get lost, Addison! Who's begging you to stay? Not me."

She spoke calmly and softly. "I was fooling myself. I know it was my fault when I turned to someone else. I regret doing it. I regret hurting you. But, I can't live like this. I believe somehow in your heart you do want to make this marriage work out, but, I can't. It's too late. I want someone who'll love me fully and not only half of a heart, where as the other half is another woman."

"Addison," his voice cracked. He tried to hold back his tears, but, unsuccessfully, one slid out and ran down his check.

"Derek, please, I can't do this anymore. I can't. Besides, like I said, I don't love you anymore. I thought I did, but you're not the same person I fell in love with many years ago. We've both changed, older, not necessarily wiser. So, before I get any older, I need you out of my life. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I need someone to love me fully. And I gather, you're not the one. Go to Meredith, I do know she loves you. At least, that's what I assumed when she left town. And I know you love her."

Addison left that night. Her superiors at the hospital accepted her resignation a week earlier. She looked out of the window of the plane, gently she touched the glass and slowly wiggled her fingers as if to say goodbye to Seattle for one last time.

Derek laid in bed and stared at the celling. After a few minutes of blinkless stares to nothing in particular, he turned and habitually reached out for Addison.

As a new day arrived, Christina carried her godson into the living room of the house she shared with Burke. Meredith was in the guest room as she unpacked. A decision was made to stay with them temporarily instead of moving back into her house. She hadn't decided when she'd tell Derek the news of being a father of a bouncing baby boy.

**TBC - Chapter 7**


	7. Chapter 7

Burke arrived home after his shift of fifteen hours at the hospital. He stopped suddenly as he entered the living room and felt a slight pain in his heart. He watched Christina as she cradled Jesse loving in her arms. He'd never seen this side of her ever before. She hummed a tune which sounded to him like a Korean lullaby and cooed to the baby. He stood still as images flashed through his mind of the baby they lost and it broke his heart.

Christina turned slowly as she felt a presence in the room. The facial expression of sadness and grief on his face made her heart break in two. He didn't say a thing, but gently took Jesse away from her and swayed back and forth for several minutes until the baby had fallen asleep in his arms.

Christina stepped back. She felt wetness on her face, as she brushed her fingers on her cheeks, only then had she realized it was tears. Meredith was a welcomed interruption as she joined them in the room.

"Burke, thank you so much for letting us stay here." She gently hugged him.

"Stay as long as you want, Meredith," he whispered as so not to wake little Jesse.

"Here, I'll take him into the bedroom, I'll be right back."

There was an uncomfortable silence in the air. Burke took careful steps towards Christina as she looked up at him. No words were said as he drew her close and held on to her petite frame. She laid her head on his chest and embraced him tightly.

A few hours later, as Christina reported to work, she was amidst the talk of Addison's departure. She smiled to herself, thinking that bloody jerk didn't deserve someone like her. She surprised herself of that thought. Addison Shepherd was not one of her senior favorite doctors. She was partial to Burke, of course, but, given a choice of the two Shepherds and Bailey, who would she save in a matter of life or death situation? Probably Bailey, she told herself. Although, she hollered constantly at the interns, at least Christina knew where she was coming from, unlike the other two with their little secrets.

Derek walked out of his office and bumped into Christina. She could tell by the look on his face that he had a sleepless night. His McDreamy eyes did not look so dreamy. The whites of his eyes were redden and he sported a five o'clock shadow.

"Christina," he acknowledged her. "Do you have a minute?"

She half rolled her eyes. "This must be a Christina-Derek conversation which has nothing to do with hospital procedures. Something you need to talk about, **_Derek_**?" She accentuated on his name.

"Have you heard from Meredith lately?" He sounded pathetic.

"What is wrong with you? Your wife just walked out on you and already you're asking about Meredith? Addison was right to leave you! Do you just need a woman at your side at all times? Time to give that pecker of yours a rest!" Dr. Yang stomped away.

As Christina arrived home from work later that night, she peeked into the guest room at Meredith in bed fast asleep with Jesse snuggled in her arms.

After a long hot shower, Christina quietly slipped into bed. She let out a loud sigh.

"What's wrong?" Burke turned to her and laid his book down.

She rested her head on his chest. "Did you hear about Addison?"

"Yes, I did. She finally left Dr. Shepherd." He snickered, which was very unlike him.

Christina raised her head and sat up. "What was that about?"

"He came in several hours before his shift. I passed him in the hallway. Thought I'd be polite and acknowledge him, considering the talk all over the hospital. Dr. Shepherd, I say. He said something about why not I call him Derek, being that his ex-girlfriend's best friend is you. You know, we could call each other on a first name basis."

"So, what'd you say?" Christina asked as she gently rubbed his chest.

"I flatly said no. Like a child, he says but, you called Addison by her first name."

"Her, I like, you, I don't."

"He did ask about Meredith. His wife just left him!" Christina raised her voice.

"Uh-huh," was all he said.

"You know, Burke, I don't care for him, either, actually I really can't stand the sight of him...but, if Meredith decides she wants to be with him, be a fool to run back to McDreamy, we'd have to, for Jesse's sake, try to be a little nicer to him. God, I can't believe I just said that."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that. He didn't chose her, what makes you think she'll run to him as soon as she finds out Addison's gone?" Burke asked as he pulled Christina closer into him. "She's stronger than she looks. I can't imagine having thanksgiving dinner with that man, christmas or any other holidays with him. We already see him at work, don't need him in our personal lives."

"Okay. I'm tired. So, do you mind? I think we've talked enough about Dr. Derek Shepherd for one night." Christina kissed him passionately as he fumbled for the off switch on the lamp.

Meredith had gotten up early to fix Jesse's bottle when she practically jumped to the sound of the telephone and nearly dropped the baby's formula. Immediately she ran and picked it up quickly as so the ringing would not wake the baby.

"Hello," she whispered.

"Uh, Dr. Yang?" Derek asked not quite sure if it was Christina.

The voice on the other end was a familiar tone to her. How could she not know who he was. It was only the father of her baby, the man who didn't choose her. He was the one who broke her heart into a million little pieces, the man she thought she loved more than life itself. But, that seemed like a long time ago. Jesse was now the love of her life. Meredith held her breath, exhaled slowly, then spoke softly.

"Hello, Derek."

**TBC - Chapter 8**


	8. Chapter 8

Burke was summoned to the hospital on a consultation with Derek regarding a patient. It was Christina's day off and she had decided to spend time with Meredith and Jesse.

"So, what'd you tell him?" Christina asked her friend as she bottle fed the baby.

"Well, I said I was visiting the both of you. We just chit-chat a bit. Nothing more."

"Mer, don't be surprised if he shows up unexpected and uninvited. How are you going to explain my god child? I mean, you could say, Jesse's mine, but, I don't think he'll buy that," Christina said sarcastically.

Meredith stayed quiet as if she was in deep thought. After a few minutes, she broke her silence. "It's been such a long time since I've seen him. One year since I..." her voice trailed off.

"Since you left? A lot happened to you in a year. You left your job, moved to another state and you had a baby. That's a lot of changes. You need to clear your mind and see what steps you plan to take regarding Derek. Could I ask you something?"

"You've never stopped before," Meredith spoke softly.

"Do you still love him?" Christina waited for an answer, but, she did not reply. "Meredith?"

"Truthfully? I don't know. I look at my child and wonder if he was made out of love or lust. I don't want him coming back to me just for the baby's sake. Besides, I'm still hurt. He didn't choose me. He chose her," she answered painfully. "I think I've done fine so far on being a single parent."

"Yes, but, you have to tell him and soon."

"Says the woman who hid her pregnancy from her boyfriend," Meredith mumbled under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Christina voice's changed from a caring tone to a sharp one.

"I-I'm so sorry, Christina. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"You're right and I've regretted every minute of it," she lashed out at Meredith. "So, don't make the same mistake. If you're planning to hide it from him, he'll eventually find out. You know, the baby might one day need him due to a rare blood disorder or whatever, then, you'll sure as hell have a field day in trying to explain it to him why junior has his blood type. That's just great! I've got to stop watching "General Hospital"!

Meredith listened and nodded.

"I guess now's the best time to tell you this. Addison left Derek. She left a couple of days ago."

"Oh." It was Meredith's only reply. She did not even bother to ask any details.

"Their marriage wasn't working out. Everyone at Seattle Grace could feel the tension between them. It got to a point that no one wanted to be in their presence. I got the feeling that Addison didn't love him anymore. She's a fighter, you know, hanging on to him, but, for her to have left, I'm guessing she's had enough of him. He wasn't about to leave, so she did."

It was early evening, Burke and Christina had gone out to dinner. Meredith and Jesse declined the invitation and decided to have a quiet evening together. An hour passed and she heard footsteps at the front door. She swung the door open and gasped, instead of expecting the two doctors home, another doctor stood in front of her, one she did not expect, Dr. Derek Shepherd.

He stood rigidly. "Meredith."

"Derek." Her voice was soft. "You, you shouldn't be here. You should have called first."

He was still mesmerized by her beauty and reached out for her. Meredith quickly stepped back.

"Uh, what do you want, Derek?" She spoke to him with the door half open.

"You left suddenly, Mer. You didn't even say goodbye."

Meredith imagined how exactly she would break the news in telling him he fathered their son, the most precious thing to her. She knew every detailed words she was to say to him. Whatever occupied her thoughts at that time diminished as his intensed look in his eyes penetrated through her and at that very moment, her mind was at a blank.

Those McDreamy eyes melted her heart that she agreed to let him in when asked. Their voices were low-keyed as she answered only when spoken to. His eyes moved around to the surroundings and noticed stuffed animals next to the living room sofa atop a baby's futon which was spread on the floor. Either Meredith or Christina had regressed to infantile, Derek wondered what was the purpose of those items around the house. He strutted towards the sofa, bent down and took hold of "Winnie the Pooh" and "Tigger", too.

Meredith held her breath.

It's been a year since she left, he thought to himself, of course she would have moved on. She nervously waited for him to question her, but he kept silent and waited for an explanation.

Meredith rushed into the bedroom suddenly as Jessie cried out, leaving Derek bothered and bewildered. After several minutes, her pint-sized love quieted down and both emerged out into the living room.

Derek's eyes widened as mother and child took steps towards him.

He was so sure that the baby could hear his heart as it pounded hard as mommy placed his son into daddy's arms.

"Mer-Meredith?" It was all he could ask, knowingly what the outcome would be.

"Derek." She spoke softly, calmly and slowly. "This is Jesse. He's yours...mine...ours."

TBC - Chapter 9


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Lita, this chapter's dedicated to you. Thanks.**

Little Jesse stiffened his body, his face turned a shade of pink, then, gradually to red as his lungs gave out a healthy cry. This miracle of theirs could feel the tension as his newly found daddy tried nervously to comfort him. Meredith's little angel twisted and turned his body as he wailed loudly, the movements of his head stretched backwards and sidewards to get a glimpsed of his mommy who was nowhere in sight.

"Shhh," Derek spoke soothingly. "Hey, my son, you don't know me, but, I'm your daddy. Shhh. There. Are you okay now? You're a big boy. And so handsome. Look at you. Stop that crying. I'll always be here to protect you. Shhh. Calm down. There you go. See? I'm not such a bad man." The baby cooed and laid comfortably in Derek's arms as he was cradled lovingly until he had fallen asleep to the sound of his voice.

Meredith stepped back as she watched the bond between father and son. Their eyes locked, but Derek turned away quickly as tears raced down his face. After several minutes, she led the way into the bedroom and he laid his child gently in the crib, pulled the blanket up and bent down as he kissed him on the cheek. His voice was in a low tone. He patted Jesse softly on his leg and did not turn as he spoke to Meredith.

"Because of you, I missed the most important part of my son's life. His birth. You deprived me of that, Meredith. Why?"

There was an astonished look on Meredith's face. Had he forgotten his decision? She had no choice but to leave. It was bad enough she fell in love with a married man, she wasn't about to be the cause of their breakup. So, she stepped back graciously, although she had wanted to fight Addison tooth and nail over him. But, of course, it was his decision which caused her to leave. She walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.

"Meredith?" He pulled her arm gently and turned her around to face him.

"Yes, Derek. What?"

"What? Is that all you can say. Mer, we have a son together. Why didn't you tell me? How long were you going to keep it a secret?"

"No secret, Derek. I came home, didn't I? I planned to tell you, only you beat me to it. You arrived here unexpectedly, unannounced and uninvited."

"I'm sorry for that. It's just that I missed you and I wanted to see you. I do still love you. You were never away from my mind." He stroked her face.

She moved away from him. "Yes, Derek. I know. That's why you picked Addison," she said sarcastically. Meredith caught herself as if Christina's personality had taken over her.

"So, what do we do now, Mer? I know what I want. You're my family, you and the baby. I want the both of you with me." Their was a glimmer of hope in his eyes as she smiled slightly.

"Pick me. Choose me. Love me. Remember, Derek?"

He nodded.

"You chose Addison. If you had chosen me, I would have told you then and there that I was pregnant with your child. But, you didn't. I didn't want you with me just for the sake of the baby. Don't you understand? You broke my heart. Okay, it's partly my fault. I should have backed off when I found out you were the new attending. But, you were everything I've ever wanted in a man, one who possessed kindness and tenderness. I loved the way you held me when I had a bad day at the hospital. I loved the way you comforted me and told me everything would be alright. Even if I didn't want to, my heart had a mind of its own and already had fallen in love with you. I thought you felt the same way." She had started to cry, but, somehow found the strength not to.

"Meredith, I did. I do." He reached out for her. "You didn't have to leave, why did you? We could have worked things out. I loved you then and I love you now." Derek drew Meredith into him.

"Wait." She stopped him before he got any closer and pressed the palm of her hand on his chest. On any given minute, she would have weakened and surely fallen into his arms, the arms which held her that last night they were together, those arms that roamed all over her which sent electrifying sensation throughout her body. She fought hard and self control came over her.

"No, Derek. Please don't get any closer. Please." She pushed him away.

"Okay, okay." He looked at her with sadness in his eyes.

Silence filled the air as both waited for the other to break the uncomfortable feeling. It was Meredith who spoke out.

"I love you, Derek. I never stopped loving you. Answer me this. If Addison hadn't left you, would you have left her eventually? Or was she a sure thing, safe thing for you because I wasn't around? You say you loved me, excuse me, present tense, love me, but, how could you have been with her? When you chose her, did you love her? And don't tell me you didn't. Because I may be young, but, I can not see you choosing someone you don't love. You're not like that. Or can one love two people at the same time? Truthfully, Derek, I couldn't. I wouldn't want to share the one I love. It wouldn't have worked out as me being your part-time lover. I wanted you on a full time basis. And because I couldn't, I left. Does that answer your question? So, please answer mine. Did you love her when you picked her?"

He kept quiet and looked away from her.

"Answer me, please. I need to know." Meredith brought her hands to his face and caressed it softly. "Derek? Did you love her?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before he answered. "Yes, but I wasn't in love with her. Meredith, we can make this work. You, me and our son. I'm nothing without you."

"Do you still love her?" She asked almost afraid as she dropped her hand to her side.

Derek turned away and his voice was barely audible. "Yes."

She held back her tears. "I wish I could have a transplant for a new heart, one that isn't meant to be broken. Pick me, choose me, love me, but you didn't."

**TBC - Chapter 10**


	10. Chapter 10

Reluctantly, Derek left and found himself back at home in his empty trailer.

Just a few days ago, he had a wife to go home to and just a couple of hours ago he had found out his ex-girlfriend bore him a child without his knowledge. He poured himself a glass of water, opened his medicine cabinet, grabbed a bottle of aspirin and swallowed two pills.

If someone had predicted his future on the outcome of his life, he would have probably laughed it off. Afterall, he was a brilliant surgeon who had been happily married and who was in love with his beautiful wife. What more could he had wanted. His life changed drastically without being forewarned. It's been days since he'd seen Meredith and Jesse. It pained him to think of them. He was alone and his tormented heart yearned for them.

Meredith hadn't realized how much she missed Seattle until George, Izzie and Alex appeared at Burke's and Christina's doorstep. George walked in with a handful of baby gifts. Izzie immediately hugged her and excitedly reached her hand out for the baby. Carefully, Meredith placed her son in her arms. Alex looked on, shrugged and just smiled.

"You miss him, don't you? You still love him?" Christina queried later on as Meredith placed Jesse in his crib for the night and kept silent.

"Meredith?" She still had not answered.

"So, we got our first pregnant male patient this morning! Can you believe that? Six months pregnant! Technology, today! Isn't it great?" Christina stood with her arms crossed in front of her and leaned her weight on one leg.

"Uh-huh."

"Mer! Did you just hear what I said?" Christina hollered.

"Shhhhhh, the baby's asleep. Lower your voice, Christina. Were you talking to me?"

Christina shook her head and walked away.

Meredith sat alone on the sofa as she stared into an empty fireplace. Her best friend stood behind her and gently stroked her hair.

"I've been thinking." Her voice was soft and almost child-like.

"I know. You've been doing a lot of that for the last several days, since you saw him. He's been on edged since you've been back. I--I actually feel for the guy. He really does love you. I can see it in his eyes. His McDreamy eyes."

Meredith turned to Christina and sighed. "McDreamy eyes?

She ignored her comment. "Meredith, you and the baby are welcomed here to stay with us for as long as you want. But, what are your plans? With the baby? With Derek?"

"I don't know. It's just that, I don't have the time or energy to see what happens from here. Everything's at a standstill right now when it comes to Derek. My only main concern is my son."

"I'd better do a jump start on your heart, Mer. I know you. I know how you feel about him. Is your life complete now that you have a child? Or is there one teeny, weeny thing missing in your life? Namely...Derek Shepherd? Hey, stop me if I'm wrong. And I truly know he does love you. Maybe it's possible for someone to love two people at the same time. He's in love with you, not Addison. I can feel it in his heart."

"Were you talking to him or something? Since when have your heart softened for him? Why the sudden change of opinion? You never had anything nice to say about him before. But, now..."

Christina interrupted. "Hey, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have your baby and I wouldn't be his godmother. So, I thank you, Derek, for my godson!"

Meredith sniffled. "Christina, it's time to go home. It's time to be where we belong. Thank you for your hospitality." She then stood up and headed to the bedroom.

"Home where, Meredith?" Christina called out to her. "To jump back on that plane or back to Derek? Tell me!"

Meredith closed the door behind her, leaned against it and cried painfully.

TBC - Chapter 11 (last chapter)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I'd like to thank everyone for taking the time to read this lengthy fic and for your wonderful reviews. I've received close to 15,000 hits on this story. And I thank you all. Thank you, also, for those of you who emailed me personally on how I should end this.**

**Well, here it is, the final chapter. I've tried to update at least once a week, but, was really in a dilemma. My apologies for such a long gap on this last part. Addison/Derek or Meredith/Derek? Hope I haven't offended anyone on the decision I've made. **

**And a special THANKS to EVIE - you're the GREATEST!**

Jesse had been accustomed to having been around Christina and Burke for the past several weeks. He cried constantly during the first few nights at his new home. He had been used to "godmommy" Christina and Uncle Burke, that the first time Izzie and George stayed home with him, he did nothing but cried.

Meredith was completely settled back at her house. The best part about being home was that she was back with her dear friends and Christina was just several blocks away.

It had been two weeks and Meredith still had not seen Derek. Sure, he knew of her decision on her living arrangements, but, stayed away until it was time for her and Jesse to join him. What's a few weeks, when he'd surely have them soon enough, his family, under one household.

Meredith had reluctantly agreed for Derek to drop by for a visit due to his persistent telephone calls, afterall, he was the baby's father.

"Here's your daddy," Meredith spoke baby talk to her son as he was handed over to his father. I'll leave you two alone, I'll be in the kitchen, Derek."

"Please stay, Meredith. We are family, you know," he pleaded with those eyes of his.

"Okay," she whispered.

"I'm glad you decided to stay. I know you needed time, but, I'm not a patient man, anymore. I need to know what happens next? With you and the baby?"

"I told you, I needed time to think. I can't make an irrational decision when it comes to my son's future, Dr. Shepherd."

"Our son, Meredith," he corrected her. "And he needs to be with me, with you, with the both of us, together."

"Derek! I told you, just...I need time."

"How much time, huh? When he starts to talk and walk? When, Meredith? I don't want to miss his growing up. I'd already missed out on his birth."

"And who's fault is it? You chose your wife! I didn't want to complicate things for you. I'll take the baby now and put him down in his crib, then we'll talk, alright?" She held back her temper.

After several minutes, Meredith walked back into the living room and found Derek seated comfortably on her sofa. She sat beside him.

"Am I being punished for having chosen Addison over you? She's no longer in the picture. Is that what's stopping you from being with me? She'll never be back."

"Is that what you think? That I'm hesitant to be with you because your wife might want you back?" She raised her voice, then lowered it immediately as she stood up. "It's because of you, Derek. "

"What?" He reached out and held her hand.

"Yes, it's because of you. If I recall correctly and forgive me for being repetitive but,...pick me, choose me, love me...but, you didn't, Derek. You didn't!"

He released her hand immediately and pulled himself up. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. But, I'll make it up to you and Jesse. I promise."

She shook her head. "No, you can't make it up. Nothing will ever ease the pain I've felt or am feeling for your decision. I don't ever want to be someone's second choice. No one should ever be in a predicament like that. Everyone should be number one in someone's life until a child comes between them, and then, they move down to number two. But, I'm number two after your wife. I can't be with you."

"I love you, Meredith, you and the baby," his voice cracked as he spoke. He reached out to her, but she stepped back.

"Don't, please, don't touch me. It's not that I don't love you, I do, but, I can't be with you. Don't you understand?"

"No, I don't. You say you love me. But, you don't want to be with me?"

"That's correct. There was a time I thought I needed you in my life. But, Jesse comes first now. No one else."

"Meredith, I..."

"Wait," she raised her hand. "You had your reasons for having chosen Addison. You loved her. And I know a part of you still does. You say you love me, but, not enough, Derek or you would have chosen me."

He said nothing and just listened.

"Look at that. You can't deny what I've just said."

"I'm sorry."

"No, Derek, I am. I'm sorry it has to come to this. I can't see us being together as a couple. We're mom and dad to Jesse and that's what we should concentrate on. We'll just be friends for now and we'll see what the future brings for us. Who knows, our son might eventually get us back together again. But, not for the time being. I hope you understand. I really do love you, but, sometimes loving someone with all of your heart, does not necessarily mean being with them for the rest of their lives."

"I can see there's no changing your mind. Thank you for being candid on your feelings about everything, about us."

"I've grown up a lot since I've been away. I'm no longer that naive young intern you first met, first got involved with. I thought with my heart, not my head, for the heart is always wiser, but, not this time. Right now, my head rules my heart. And the only thing I can offer you is friendship. I won't deprive you of your son. You'll have unlimited amount of visitation rights."

He conceded and nodded. "Jesse is number one priority. And I only hope I can be as great a parent as you have been to our son. I love you, Meredith, I really do."

Meredith wiped the tears which slowly slid down his cheeks. "I know, Derek, I know you do. Come on, our baby needs us." She held out her hand and he squeezed it tightly as they headed to Jesse's bedroom.

**The End**


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